Some day, I would love to meet and marry a godly man who God wants me to 'do life' with. Right now though, I have no idea who that man is and believe it or not, that's okay and I'm happy!
I don't always love being single - my closest friends can definitely vouch for that. But the truth is that my life is about so much more than my relationship status. My life is great and I am so blessed and I am so happy. I live and work in a beautiful part of the world where I get to hang out with young people and introduce them to Jesus. I live close enough to the beach to just go there spontaneously for an evening. I have real meaningful friendships with wonderful people all around the world, many of whom I get to enjoy so much time with. I have a fantastic, supportive and loving family... I am blessed in so many ways, and just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't mean that I'm not happy or whole.
The thing is, especially in Christian circles, there is so much pressure. Even when people don't say it as bluntly, the message is the same; "when are you going to meet a nice boy and start a relationship?" I can't count how many people have actually said to my face that I should get a boyfriend.
"Oh do you think so? Okay, I'll go find one this afternoon!"
Telling me that I should get a boyfriend isn't going to make me get one - it's just going to make me believe that without one, I'm not enough. Asking me when I'm going to get married isn't going to make me find my husband, it's just going to make me wish that I'd already met him. Telling me that when you were my age you were already married and had a child is only going to make me feel like you think I'm somehow getting life wrong.
A man will not complete me - Jesus will. So if you want to talk relationships, ask me how my relationship with Jesus is going. Ask me what God has put on my heart lately. Ask me what I'm learning and what I'm struggling with and what I'm enjoying in my life.
Song of songs says repeatedly "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires". And I plan not to. My life started 21 years ago - and for most of those 21 years I have been single, and God has been using me, and I have been having a brilliant life. Some day, I hope to meet a godly man who I can begin a relationship with and eventually marry. But I will continue to be me and to be used by God, the difference will be that I will have the blessing of sharing that with my husband. But until then, I will continue to enjoy my life as a happy, blessed and fulfilled person.
So please, please, stop telling me and my single brothers and sisters that you were married at our age. Please stop asking us when we're going to begin a relationship. Please stop asking us whether we've found a 'nice young man (or girl)'. When we do, and we want you to know about it, we will let you know.
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I cannot begin to express how much I not only relate to some of what you have said but also how much I am hitting my desk (in a positive way, if there is such a thing) in agreement.
ReplyDeleteHaving grown up in a Christian church, most of the members of my church have known me since I was a baby - they have watched me go through school, see me develop as I journey with God, seen me at my happiest, seen me jobless, watch me go off to Uni...and come back again, seen me at my low points in life, go through struggles and pains, had a laugh and also seen me as a single person...for 29 years.
In the past, some of them have tried to pair me up with other girls, which, has not worked. Sometimes I have sat next to girls and chatted to them - this has raised rumors. I have also been asked when I am going to get a girlfriend/wife. I do not know the answer to that question, God does though and as you said in your post, it will happen in God's timing.
I do enjoy being single but that does not me I don't struggle with it. There have been many times I would have appreciated the company and intimacy and I will probably battle being single in the future too. However, reading your post reminded me that at the moment my relationship with God is more important - not a lot of people understand that.
So, yeah. Not really sure how to round all that up.
John